The Ugly Underbelly

It always seems as though we mothers tend to keep our sisters in arms at arm’s length.  It seems as though we waste so much of our precious energy trying to make our lives look perfectly pretty ALL OF THE TIME.  But what if we didn’t? Gasp!  What if we let each other in? Open the gates from time to time to set our truths free. If we have driven down our different roads of life, then of course we have our dents and scratches. We are all a bit broken inside, yet we are all more beautiful because of it. Why do we see these dings & dents as flaws and weaknesses? It is these very marks that have strengthened our spirits and moved us forward in our journeys. Own your life’s imperfections. They are the treasures from your life’s travels and tell the world that you too have lived and lost, but most importantly, have learned to love yourself along the way.

I was an ugly mom today. I was mean. I yelled. I cursed. I ignored. I cried. I felt guilty. So, of course, I yelled some more. I was just plain ugly. And I’m ashamed. But I have to wonder, am I all that different than any other mom out there? Maybe I’m trying to rationalize my behavior. Admittedly, I feel the guilt down to my gut. But, maybe we all have those days once in a while and it’s this gut wrenching guilt that only proves we really are good mothers. Perhaps not a good role model for the day, but despite it all, still a good mother. It was just a rock bottom day, kick started by a throbbing headache only intensified by 3 little savages, each of whom wanted to win the “I’m the loudest” award. I woke up miserable and quickly became the kind of mom we all hate to be, but just are sometimes. I’ll just try to take comfort in the idea that we all have an ugly mean mom buried deep down inside who fights her way out from time to time and leaves us with a day’s worth of broken moments. And then good mom digs herself out from beneath the rock she’s been shuddering under and spends the rest of the night beating herself up just to make sure mean mom has learned her dirty lesson and is bruised up enough to stay hidden for a while. And then, alas, we wake up again the next day only to start it all over again and pray that good mom got enough rest under that rock of hers to stay strong enough to make it through to another bedtime. Perhaps that’s the point. Mean mom rears her ugly little head only to give good mom a break. A chance to regroup, rejuvenate and come back the next day even stronger and more fierce than all the days before.  Perhaps this is just the ugly underbelly of motherhood…..